Diabetes is my enemy and my best friend. We have a love/hate relationship, every day, all day. Regardless of how angry I get, divorce isn’t possible, so I figured out pretty quickly that it’s swim or sink, do or die.
I would call diabetes a character building experience. In the past two years I have learned to be more patient, determined, strong, willing, and faithful. Little did I know that I would turn around and use these same characteristics to begin a new journey: adoption.
PATIENCE. Merriam-Webster defines it as “steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity” and “bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint.” I can’t honestly say that I’m calm or “without compliant,” however, to be cliché, “it is what it is.” Adoption, much like diabetes, is an unfinished book, and the present situation is always a bit foggy, so what is one to do but take a deep breath (my Yoga for Dummies
DETERMINED. I’m type-A I got a 4.0 in graduate school, I love vacuuming until the floor looks brand new, and I cannot stand disorganization and procrastination. If there is a task to be done, give me twenty minutes and voila! I’m one to decide, resolve, accomplish. This determination to succeed, to accomplish my dreams and goals, has kept me (mostly) positive and persistent through this point of our adoption journey.
STRONG. I admit, I used to be a wimp. I like being comfortable and content. Adventure? No, thanks. But when one goes through medical hell (a year and a half without diagnosis (post-onset!), a 700 blood sugar at diagnosis, a 16.9 A1C, a five day hospital stay, and two years so far with diagnosed diabetes), I have learned “what little girls are made of.” Yep, it’s sugar, spice, and everything…well, I wouldn’t say nice. Everything necessary to make it through another day. Adoption, likewise, means making it through rough patches, times of doubt and insecurity, moments of uncertainty. Yes, there are tears and questions, and then there are smiles and answers. I know what I’m made of.
WILLING. Merriam-Webster calls this “accepted by choice.” A synonym is “voluntary.” Though I get so tired of hearing all the reasons I should be “in control” of my disease, I know that the facts and statistics surrounding diabetes related complications are not invented by doctors and researchers. They are the cold, hard facts. So again, it’s do or die. To become educated is to take a huge risk because once one knows the truth, one is burdened by what to do with that knowledge. Adoption is not hearts, candy, and roses. There are dark corners, shadows, and clouds. For example, there are those who knowingly and unknowingly enter unethical adoption situations, ones that jeopardize the humans involved. There are situations and stories that break hearts. But the more I learn, the more I grow, and the more I am voluntarily held to higher standards. I’m willing to wait for the right situation. I guess this goes back to patience.
FAITHFUL. This is the most difficult of all: having faith and being faithful. Diabetes has tested me in every way, including spiritually. I believe that “giving it to God” and “maintaining control” is a balance I cannot achieve (yet I continually try), and I don’t even know if such a balance is even possible. Diabetes is all about control, control of one’s diet, exercise, stress level, medications. Adoption is anything but controllable. Situations and circumstances surrounding a possible adoption are about as predictable as Britney Spears’ next stunt. The Christian phrase “Let go and let God” has never more been more true to my life than now as we wait for THE call from our adoption agency. I am fully aware of God’s great power, yet time and time again I attempt to take control of the uncontrollable.
Some people with diabetes believe it is a blessing. I don’t know if diabetes and I are at that point in our relationship yet (maybe we never will be), but I do believe that diabetes has taught me lessons that I could not have learned elsewhere. And for that, I am thankful.
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