January 24, 2010 

Since my diagnosis I have been taking the same amount of Lantus each day and a 1:10 ratio of Humalog before meals.  I really liked the fact that I was stable and things were predictable.  I had been told to expect some changes during my first year as I came out of the ‘honeymoon’ stage.  Until recently, I had been very steady.

However, everything came to a crashing halt this week.  For the past week or so, it felt like I was getting a cold.  So, when my blood sugar was consistently higher this week, even though I ate the same meals and took the same amount of insulin I normally take, I blamed it on the cold.  I think I was in denial.  I did not want to admit to myself that I needed to adjust my insulin. 

When my cold never materialized, I tinkered with my insulin levels.  I ended up doubling my Lantus and changing my insulin to carb ratio to 1:7.  For some reason this made me angry and feel like a failure.  I know that it is beyond my control and not because I did not do a good enough job.  But I had a hard time shaking the negative emotions. 

It was hard to push my emotions aside and listen to logic.  Logic said this was to be expected, and that it would probably happen often during my lifetime.  Emotionally, it felt like this meant I was somehow worse off than I was before and my body was seriously letting me down…again.

For right now, my blood sugar is in a good range and I am back on track, but I am anxiously awaiting the next time I have to make some adjustments.  I know this is only the beginning, but I take pride in the fact that I came to my senses, recognized that I had to make some adjustments, and quickly found out what worked.  In a way, it makes me feel more in control of my diabetes than ever.